"Creating your life on your terms is really about allowing for grace through your next transition." - Shann Vander Leek

Whether you have made the choice, or have been forced to significantly alter your life, it’s time to begin navigating your transition. This article will guide you through the four stages of any transition cycle, and provide strategies to help you move gracefully through each moment of the experience.

Deborah Martin, my mentor and coach shared the following information with me when she learned that I planned to follow in her footsteps and become an international transition coach. It is with pleasure that we pass this teaching on to you.

The first stage of any significant transition begins with suffering and skin-crawling discomfort. You know a radical change is coming, but you might not be sure what to do about it. Chances are you will be down in the dumps. You may feel frightened, angry, uncertain, or like you’re reeling out of control. During my career transition, I remember feeling lost in a fog, and completely freaked out by the fact that the ideals around which my whole former life had been built – were no longer acceptable.

During this painful first stage, I recommend staying with your regular, comfortable routines. When you are filled with a black hole of uncertainty, the best thing you can do is create a nurturing daily plan focused on self-care. Try to cut back on extraneous commitments at home or work, and take the time to be gentle with yourself.

Items on your daily to-do list might include: inspirational reading, watching a magical sunset, choosing fresh-cut flowers for your desk or dining room table, playing on a swing set, soaking in a hot bath, listening to great music, practicing yoga or Tai Chi, playing outside with your family, preparing a tasty meal, or writing in a gratitude journal. Joyful activities like these help to balance the stress and suffering.

But while you’re nurturing yourself through your discomfort, remember that nurturing is not running away. Look at yourself in the mirror, and be honest about what’s happening inside. Accept the fact that you’re suffering, but don’t accept that your suffering is permanent. Ask yourself what really separates where you are from where you want to be. Honesty is key to healing and flowing through a monumental change.

The second stage of transition involves deep introspection. You may start to withdraw from the world, retreating into a safe and private emotional space. Initially, this might be a way to protect yourself from the pain and uncertainty you’re feeling, but this retreat can also allow you to begin to let go of old patterns and behaviors which stand in the way of your positive transition. You may feel contemplative, curious, spiritual, detached, or highly emotional – sometimes all at the same time.

Writing your thoughts in a journal is a good activity to try at this stage, especially if you’re feeling withdrawn and are having trouble talking to the people around you. If you’re still unclear about where you’re really going, try making a simple compare/contrast chart. Fold a piece of paper in half, and label one column “Want,” and the other “Don’t want.” Then, fill in the blanks. Knowing what you don’t want is just as important as knowing what you do. It helps you set boundaries and build a solid foundation for your ideas.

Another helpful suggestion is to spend time in nature, soaking up the beauty of your surroundings. Plan to take a walk along the beach, hike in the woods, or visit a local park. Allow yourself plenty of time to heal from the pain and anguish of the first transitional stage. During my own time of introspection, I scheduled as many lunches as possible at a local park on the shores of Lake Michigan. Stepping out of the office and being quiet for even thirty minutes helped me stay on my path, and being close to the water kept me grounded.

Remember that the second stage of transition is about healing and nurturing your mind, body and soul, but it’s also a time for examination. Find the activities that keep you focused, not distracted, and don’t be afraid of the deep work. Becoming who you really are means surrendering to change.

The third stage of transition is a big shift from the first two. It’s filled with positive energy and includes research and exploration in the outer world. When you reach this stage, you are finally starting to feel like you have some direction. You’ve gotten an inkling of what the real nature of your upcoming transition might be. You are ready and eager to move forward, and curious about all the new possibilities. You become secure, optimistic, and confident. You are uncovering a new path and ready to walk through the doors of a ripe new opportunity. In this stage you will want to explore the Internet, read about new topics of interest, and continue to write in your journal.

If you are struggling to identify and clarify your interests, consider creating a mind map. Sometimes, this simple tool can be just the thing to help you uncover the hidden gems of your future. Wikipedia says, “A mind map is a diagram used to represent words, ideas, tasks, or other items linked to and arranged around a central key word or idea.

To me, mind mapping is a creative visual twist on brainstorming. The first time I played with this technique, it blew my mind wide open: what a powerful way to cultivate your ideas!

To create your own mind map, pick up a poster board and draw a large circle in the center of the page. Write your central idea or concept in the circle, and write your supporting ideas around the outer edge of the circle, so that they’re linked to the central idea (perhaps jutting out like the rays of the Sun). Expand from there. If you prefer to create your masterpiece online, there are some great mind mapping web sites out there. I recommend Mind Node or Mind42.com.

Your discovery period is also the perfect time to explore new connections and talk with trusted confidants. Immerse yourself in discovery – not just in your chosen field, but in any area that interests you. Sometimes, even things that are unrelated on the surface can work themselves into your new path in unexpected ways. Allow yourself to play on a brand new playground!

When you have navigated the first three stages – fear and discomfort, going internal, and exploring new frontiers – you are ready to move into the magical stage of creative renewal.

The fourth stage of transition is a blast. When you reach the creative renewal phase, your vision has become clear, and you’re ready at last to create life on your terms. You are highly energized, committed, and optimistic. You are also determined to make significant changes quickly. Things seem to flow quite naturally for you. Mentally and physically, you feel unstoppable, because you know that everything is possible.

When you experience your creative renewal, allow yourself to be in the flow of the moment. Allow your plans to unfold without force. Become enamored of your new path, hang loose, and enjoy the magic carpet ride! I declared my new path on New Years Eve while surrounded by my friends and family. What an exciting time to acknowledge and embrace my future and let go of all the uncertainty and discomfort!

Each stage of a significant transition can last from a few weeks to several months. Honoring and caring for yourself, and allowing the process to unfold naturally, will help you move through the difficult stages of transition quickly.

I have navigated the choppy waters of an enormous career transition, and have successfully reinvented myself – but I couldn’t have done it without the love and support of my family, friends, and a couple of world-class coaches. No matter what stage of transition you’re in, don’t be afraid to reach out for support. You don’t have to go through it alone!

What stage of transition are you experiencing right now?

How long have you been in this stage?

What do you need to do right now to honor the stage you are experiencing?